Hour 36

Aaand I'm watching Alex play.  I got past the dude who thoroughly stymied me and instantaneously ran into another impossible boss which made love to me several times in the worst possible ways.  I simply was not high enough level.

It's a shame... we were neck in neck for so long, but somewhere along the line he inched ahead, and that inch got wider and wider probably as a result of the psychological effects of being behind, but also his (frankly) superior fighting strategies.

So he's fighting the first incarnation of Sin and it seems to be doing alright.  Heck, he may be able to do it!  As a "true sport" I truly do want him to beat it, because than I can still feel part of some kind of victory.  The victory of trying to do something silly and hilarious and succeeding.

Again thanks to the spectators.  Without you guys... well, honestly we probably still would have done it, but it sure made it less unpleasant having some pretty and smart folks milling around.

So I bid you all a fond farewell, and may all of your fantasies be final.

No wait, may your final fantasy come true...

Here, maybe I'll try to get the X in there:

May you finally engage in all of your disgusting X-rated fantasies.

s

Hour 34

We're nearing in on the longest FF Race of all time!  I'm both happy and sad about this!

Final Fantasy VII took a gruelling 37 hours, and we are 4 hours away from that crazy landmark, so here's... hoping?

I dunno.  I'm a good (bad) hour and half behind old beardy, corpse-arm and I don't particularly foresee catching up, but I'll keep trying.  Being a good sport is key to, if not happiness, at least a mild satisfaction.  The satisfaction of not being a big baby.

And I beat the boss who was wrecking my life!  Basically Haste seemed to be a non-starter, and I think I just got lucky too...  All the huge counterattacks just weren't successful.  Someone down there likes me!

The body achieved some kind of begrudging equilibrium where if I promise not to shock it with say, sunlight or vegetables, it'll try to find a way to not shut down and die.  It's a tenuous contract, but I trust that the two parties can make it work.

xoxo,

Robert Pattinson

Hour 32

Oh heavenly father.  Apologies for the late post (I imagine nearly 10 sets of teeth are a-gnashing).  Still at the exact same point as before.  Al and I have discussed it thoroughly (truth be told, fun stops for both when an enormous lead is taken) and we've pinpointed the difference in our strategy for this boss down to just one lil' spell:  Haste.  This may be the issue, or Al may have gotten legitimately lucky.  I am about to find out.  Stay tuned.

love,

your boy

ps: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Hour 30

So I just lost a major battle with Maester Seymour again... Alex was stuck for a while too, but I'm afraid I may not have enough levels to do it.  So, do I keep rolling the dice and wasting time that way, or do I take the precautionary approach and level up for a while?  

You'll have to stay tuned for the answer to that pretty obvious question, because I don't have all of my faculties!

So I mean, when I beat him, does that mean 4 hours left?  10?  Is it the halfway mark?  We just don't know!  And unfortunately (fortunately) I certainly can't give another night and day to this...

Oh well, watch and wait I suppose.  Mr. L is probably about 45 minutes ahead now, so I'm basically rooting for him to find the last level, last boss, etc.

Also, it pisses me off that I'm doing this right now.  What the hell.  It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  Maybe our last ever.  Crumbs.

s 

Hard as can be

Hello everyone,

This is a guest blog by Brian "the beej" James.  I'm a former roommate of Sandy and Alex'.  It's been at least 2 years since i've attended a Final Fantasy race and  I must admit that it's more entertaining than I remember.  The 2 big screens filled with impossibly proportioned magic women and She-creatures is way better than the tiny screens and 16 bit graphics that I remember from back in the day.  

When I walked in at 11am Sandy was in a battle for the ages against a giant stone punching machine man.  I was instantly caught up in the urgency of the situation.  The Stone punching man was nearly indestructible but only really had one form of attack.  Unfortunately the attack was punching Sandy's characters so so so hard.  So hard to death!!  "hard as can be.", as Sandy put it, trying to put a brave face on things.  Alex watched out of the corner of his eye, remembering how much he hated being punched so hard to death by this same character hours earlier.  Sandy did prevail in the end.  He found the combination of using one character to continually blind the puncher and another character to continually slice the puncher and still another impossibly beautiful she-character to continually keep the other 2 alive was the key to victory.

As I continued to  take it all in some familiar trends emerged.  It seemed that Sandy and Alex were neck in neck in the story line but while Sandy plunged forward recklessly the most direct route to victory, Alex took the time to strengthen and equip himself for what was sure to be the fight of his life at the end of the game.  I seem to remember this being the case years ago.  

Since Sandy has never ever one a FF race I would be tempted to question whether he ever learns from his mistakes but instead I find myself sympathizing.  It's so natural to just want to put yourself in a position where you COULD end up victorious instead of just doing a lot of busy work to be extra prepared.  I mean,  if you're willing to put your neck on the line and stand up to horrifying forces of evil on principle than isn't it really up to fate to hand you the victory?  Isn't it selfish to hoard "levels" and weapons and money while the people of Final Fantasy land suffer?   I respect Sandy's commitment to defeating evil over his commitment self improvement or even learning from past mistakes.  If Sandy doesn't win some sort of fluke David vs Goliath victory over his far superior foes than he can't be blamed.  He showed up.  He made a stand, and in way that's the real victory.  Right?  A moral victory.  

That's why when he asked me, "so do you think I'm gonna win?",  I replied, "well, if you don't win it's not your fault.  How bout that?"

It's not your fault Sandy.  It's just a cruel evil world that despises courage and won't cut you a break.

I realize I've focused a lot on Sandy to the exclusion of Alex but I don't really worry about Alex too much.  He can clearly take care of himself.  Because he's evil.

Thank you both for your courage against boredom, eachother, giant stone punchers and that smell.  

May fate favor the bold.

Sincerely,

the beej

Hour 28

Hey!  28 hours!  How great.  And Brian's here!  And Alex and I are basically tied!  It's all so great!!

I'm at a lower level though, so it may be getting a walloping when things get tricksy.

Also not great?  Exhaustion.  I keep dozing off and having deeply messed up 3 second dreams.  I'm a bit of a sleep talker, and I keep waking up with a very odd, potentially embarrassing sentence right on the tip of my tongue.  If I sleep even a couple seconds longer, who knows what may be revealed?

So right now we're on cat-mountain, and I had to beat a dude who punches THE HARDEST to get there.  So, obviously, things are going pretty darn well on the game-front anyway.

In the physical realm, there's a feeling that I have that seems related to hunger, but definitely isn't.  This particular feeling makes me never want to eat again, yet I don't want my stomach to be empty.  Perhaps I can stuff it with newspaper?

Please advise,

-s

Hour 26

There's an ethernet cable resting gently on a cupcake this fine Sunday morn.

My cat-man jumped very high and killed an angry ghost with stone on his back this fine Sunday morn.

Alex is mewling about the irregularities of his heartbeat this fine Sunday morn.

My cardiglazer (blazigan) has some mysterious stains this fine Sunday morn.

Aladdin's voice is enjoying a digital kiss!

Could this be the ruinous nadir of the experiment called Western civilization?

You betcha! ;D

l8er,

-s

24 Hours

Can you believe it?  Does it make your heart smile just to read it?  Upon completion of this hour, we'll have been racing for 24 hours.  It is exactly like the following three television shows combined:

- The Amazing Race

- 24

- Video and Arcade Top 10

I am in a glowing maze of nonsense.  It looks like I'm in the album cover of Arcade Fire's new album.  It makes me so very, very sleepy.

Sometimes I close my eyes and quietly yearn for a power surge or something.  Something that will wipe the game clean away forever.  Then I fall asleep in a jar of honey.

bloggily,

-s

Hour 22

It's 6 am!  How gaily my beard doth grow at the news.  It feels strange to have so much stubble considering I have been conscious ever since I shaved.  Face hair should only grow when you're sleeping.  I think that's obvious.

I'm in an airship, and you'll never guess what I'm doing.  Running around, not knowing what to do next!  Ah, that crazy Pinocchio was right.  It's a beautiful life.

Hello sun.  

zestfully,

-s

Hour 20

Wow, back on track.  You see a couple posts ago?  I got cocky.  Final Fantasy does not abide by that shit, and I was administered a fate-punch in the junk of destiny.  This is why Alex does so well in these games; it is because of his humble demeanor.

Anyway, I brought down that fool Seymour with some well-placed hellfire delivered by Bunk the Firelord.  Yeah, I've named all my Aeons after characters from HBO's The Wire, what's it to you?  And now I'm... in a desert or something?  I've been nodding off a little bit, but have somehow been continuing to play so now I'm not really sure how I got here.  But no matter.  I'm sure there's still plenty of mana spheres to collect and floating eyes to throw blitzballs at.

Special note in light of that last sentence: I'll be 27 next month.

Is it this whole generation that is incapable of aging with any dignity whatsoever, or just those I choose to associate with?  Discuss.

Hour 18: No.

Nope.

Hour 16

So many people!  Looks like the word finally got out:  Final Fantasy Race is the Olympics and the Academy Awards combined.  And there's a little bit of Cirque du Soleil in there as well.

Eyes are getting a little bleary by now, and fingers are tingly.  The body says no.  But no matter, onward we go, and guess what, I don't think Alex knows how close I am to him... And I think I've got the game figured out pretty well actually...  I have strategies. For now of course.  I may yet look back on this tender young blogling and think of what a strawberry fool I was.

We got cupcakes and green tea from Scott and Andrea, chips from Nikki, hyper-caffeinated rootbeer from Airyn (my understanding is that it's just for Alex, though.  Sandy gets nothing), and pastries from Dave and Andrea, and from Gillian, bless her heart, the Star of the East: a heaping helping of Pepto Bismol.  Holy crap, it's a fancy feast.

in xenu,

-s

Hour 14

Now we are in the thick of things.

Magnificent visitors have come and gone, and it's looking to be a lonely night for the two greatest men to have ever lived. 

So how long will this take?  Some think 40 hours plus, Colin D confidently places it at approximately 30-35, which would be surprising.  Magnificently surprising.  Right now, I feel at peak power and 38 hours seems doable, but even in this optimistic state, anything more than that sounds deeply regrettable.

I'm told that the voice of the lead character is none other than Aladdin himself, from Disney's hit movie 'Aladdin'.  Starring Aladdin.  And what worked so well in 'Aladdin' fails to pathetically in this game.  No charming rake elbowing apples into Jasmin's outstretched hands, no, but a simpering and clueless dunderhead that is actually making our hour of sound (we alternate, see) something to tolerate rather than the motivating balm it ought to be.

Balderdash to that.

Buff men and cats,

-s

GUEST BLOGGER: COLIN

while it may be cold outside, the action inside this clutterfilled spence ave apartment is heating up.  While both competitors seem calm, cool and collected, there is tension in the air.  I've been permitted to interview these atheletes on the their thoughts about the competition.

Q: Who is your favourite character and why?

A: I like Auron, cuz he's got sweet jugs

S: I like kimhari, because im sexually attracted to buff men and cats

Q: What are some of the flaws?

A:the main characters, ummm its pretty much my only complaint so far

S: i just get caught in screen and can't get out of them, i run around talking to the same people...what can i do??? i just wanna get on the shupuff, (alex tells sandy what to do) I suck.

Q: what is your favourite race and why?

A: favourite race? final fantasy race!

S: 100m, ronso, the muscly cats

Q: what is your competitors best final fantasy related skill?

A: asking me for help (chorus of oooooohs, actually just gustavo)

S: uhh, tenacity. 

Q: what is your competitors best non-final fantasy related skill?

A: sandys got really sweet bass hands

S: i honestly don't know if he has any

Q: Alex, how does your math skills help you in this race?

A: i always know exactly how close my enemies are to dying, to no decimal places

Q: Sandy, how does your musical skill help you in this race?

S:it doesn't, not at all, well i mean its a hinderence, if i spent my time playing video games instead of being a productive member of society...

Q: When you find yourself in a dark place, how do you power through?

A: i've honestly never found myself in one of those places

S: xenadrine

Q: Who are your final fantasy related influences?

A: what?

S: oooh.

Q: the vegas odds put alex as 43:3 favourite, your comment

A: 43 is a prime number

S: how did i get 3?

Q: alex, how did sandy get 3?

A: (poofs) i don't know. i don't think they give, yeah.

Q: filthy job stealing al behd? 

S: YES

A: (laughs) define job

Q: anything you want to say to your legion of fans following the race?

A: ummm.  yes

S: hang in there guys. YES WE CAN.

this has been colin drake reporting for rolling stone.

Hour 12: The Ochu Dance

So there's this gigantic  flower called Ochu and it's got this move, the "Ochu Dance", and it does all kinds of crazy things to you and it's just so terrible.  And at this moment in my life, I am actually able to feel angry at a move, in a video game, called the ocho dance.

12 hours.  If this weren't the 6th Race, I would be able to say that I've never spent a day so inanely.  

My eyes hurt, and I'm already feeling pretty greasy and grizzly.  There are several slothful and laze-about verbs that start with 's' that we are employing:  staring, sitting, sweating, smelling.  (Smiling is conspicuously absent).  And it's never just one that takes the toll, but rather the combination of them all that makes you feel like the napkin that drunks wipe their faces on while eating 25 cent hot wings.  The whole is more than the sum of its parts. 

splendiferously yours,

-s

Hour 10

Have I mentioned that the TVs this year are huge?  HUGE.  They're sort of side-by-side at an angle of about 30 degrees to each other, which creates this impression that they're slowly closing in on us. 

It should also be noted that intrepid visitor John Chin has strong opinions on the differences of image resolution between the two.  

At the moment we are also enjoying the rare, possibly unique, situation of having TWO whole females at Final Fantasy Race.  Congratulations to Nikki and Gillian, the finest sports of all the gender.  An extra pleasant side effect is that Alex's butt is on it's best behaviour, but unfortunately I've also noticed recently that my socks are hard at work making the awful rumours about them true.

This game's getting pretty intense.  Not hard, but pretty exciting.  Dang am I having trouble focusing, though... It's now at the point where this event is basically the only time that I play video games for more than 10 minutes in a sitting, so I'm definately out of practice.  As far as I understand, Alex currently has no job, nor is going to school, and has, like, 3 friends max, so he's in peak form.

painstakingly yours,

-s

Hour 8

Hour 8?  Sweet lord, video gaming kills time dead.

So this game.  Not too shabby.  It's no Final Fantasy 9, but nor is it Final Fantasy 12 so, on a scale of one to ten, I give it a thumb and a half stars.  Really it feels like watching a movie with bad acting with some moments of fiddling with menus.  Like a bad DVD, as Alex put it.  But heck.  Here we are.

My eyes have been flitting nervously from time to time to Alex's blog whilst he types, and I think that he may be telling tales of foot odour.  Please know, dear readers, this is, if not an outright lie, at least a regrettable hyperbole.  Those who know me know that my hygiene is generally acceptable.

And, if we're 'getting things out there', I think it's time to allude to what Alex's butt has been doing.  I don't want to sully the internet with the details, but it's been terrible (sinful, really) and impossibly frequent.  Cut it out, Alex's butt.  I don't need your help to hate my life right now.

Saltily,

-s

Hour 6

There is a game inside the game called Blitz Ball, and just like what will inevitably happen in game in which it is contained, I lost at it.  A minor battle though, not to be won at this time...  We'll get through this.

I am patiently waiting for pizza.  I'm thinking eating an entire pizza each will be all that we need for the next two days.  And it'll feel great.  Usually our appetites stop showing up by about hour 24 anyway, kind of like most of our friends.

Speaking of which, we call on you Final Fantasy fans...  Come nestle with us.

Hour 4

I notice that outside actually looks pretty nice.  Moderate, but sunny.  A beautiful day, actually.  Maybe a small stroll, go to the park, bike ride, grab a coffee.  

Or better yet, why don't I just play video games for 34 more hours?

Alex has been making noise about getting caffeine.  He's going to go the store, and that will be my chance, either to just pull ahead legitimately or, as I'm starting to consider, erase his  game.  But I have a secret, I brought a red bull for each of us... But now that we're here, doing this thing, competitive instinct has taken over, and they're both for me.

Eat shit, my friend.

Hour 2

Back in the saddle.

After the last punishing double-defeat served to us by the gruelling Final Fantasy 12, we needed two full years of wound-licking and not-so minor reconstructive surgery on some sensitive areas.  

But we've pared down our ambitions and backed up a couple episodes in the series to FF X, and I'm told that this game is a light-hearted outing meant for grandmothers and small girls to be played on quiet Sunday afternoons.

I kid of course, it's another fucking behemoth of a game.  Likely one of the longest, as it's the first on the Playstation 2 and the designers wanted to really show off how mind-ruiningly expansive they could make it.

We're in hour two and I we've started tired.  The last couple days haven't been big for sleep, and Alex had his goodbye party last night (he's going to Regina to study agriculture, I'm told.)  And what with the early start, my eyes have already shut involuntarily a couple of times.  That's bad trouble, friends.  

Anyway, somehow I've already found a way to be behind, so back to the old sausage factory.

Yours,

-s